Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Why the Ewoks Suck
So for some reason I got thinking today about the Ewoks. You know, those little furry creatures from Star Wars: Return of the Jedi? I came to realize that the Ewoks are to blame for a lot of things, and therefore, suck. How did I come to this realization? Try and stay with me here...
I have no doubt that George Lucas saw the Ewoks as a way to lighten the tone of his Star Wars Saga after the darkness that permeated the second installment, Empire Strikes Back. By 1980, the first Star Wars movie had become a marketing giant, selling toys, comic books, lunch boxes, you name it, all to children. I'm sure many unsuspecting 7 year olds were irrevocably scarred when they went to theatres with their parents in 1980, only to see Han frozen in carbonite, Luke's arm cut off, Vader revealed as the good guy's dad, and the Rebels in a losing position. Much different than the ending of A New Hope. Did Lucas fear he had alienated his target market?
If this is true, than it is clear that soft little, furry teddy bear like creatures were a way for Lucas to bring in the child market again. To apologise for upsetting them in 1980, and promising never to cut off a good guy's hand again. By this point, our younger viewers from earlier in the saga would have grown up a little, and may not have been as concerned with light heartedness, but what a great way to bring in new younglings?
So we are given the Ewoks. Little creatures who like to braid Chewbacca's hair, who serve mostly as cannon fodder for the second act of the movie, who apparently can't bend their knees or elbows, and yet have constructed elaborate tree top homes, rife with STAIRS! Wouldn't ramps be more plausible for an entire race who have no knees? How would an Ewok climb even a ladder if they have no joints? And this my friends, is the basis as to why the Ewoks suck. But wait, there is more...
Many people could say the Ewoks were a surprising success and a veritable cash cow. Now Lucas could corner the market on plush dolls, at this time in pop culture, that meant giving a run for the money on the lucrative Cabbage Patch Kid market. Not to mention there were 2, count them 2 standalone Ewok centric movies released in the mid to late 80s. Does anyone else remember the Ewok cartoon at this time? Nyub Nyub.
The Ewoks directly led to the downfall of the series of prequels released in '99 through 2005. The cute and cuddly, silly speaking Ewoks led directly to the creation of the most hated of hated: Jar Jar Binks.
First seen in Episode 1, Jar Jar Binks was meant to add a lightheartedness to what we all knew was going to be dark and foreboding chapter in the Star Wars universe. Simply put, Jar Jar was a douche. Clumsy? Yes. Dense? Sure. Annoying as all hell? Most definitely. Think of all the screen time wasted to "Meesa Sorry Obi" and other ridiculous ramblings. The entire first movie in the prequel series was lost and forever tainted by this character.
After critics had their way with the whole Jar Jar debacle, Lucas gratefully had the foresight to chop his screentime in the second episode to only a few pivotal scenes. Did anyone else cringe and choke on their Root Beer when they saw Jar Jar dressed in flowing ambassadorial robes? Finally, the icing on the cake, the entire reason why Anakin becomes Darth Vader, why the galaxy is caught in a bloody civil war for decades and much, much more, is because Jar Jar Binks gave the Emperor the power he needed to destroy the Jedi and the Senate. What a douche!
So you see, if we hadn't been subjected to the Ewoks in 1984, we would never have been presented with Jar Jar Binks, who would never have ruined the 3 prequels, who would never have granted the Emperor power, and who would have precipitated a return to great story telling that George Lucas began in A New Hope and Empire, but proceed to abandon in Return of the Jedi.
It could perhaps be argued in the context of the movie, that Jar Jar Binks, was himself evil. Maybe he was a minion of the Dark Side and susceptible to the machinations of the Empire. If this is true, than that would infer that the Ewoks too were underlings of the Dark Side, which means they are wicked, immoral and truly do SUCK.
I have no doubt that George Lucas saw the Ewoks as a way to lighten the tone of his Star Wars Saga after the darkness that permeated the second installment, Empire Strikes Back. By 1980, the first Star Wars movie had become a marketing giant, selling toys, comic books, lunch boxes, you name it, all to children. I'm sure many unsuspecting 7 year olds were irrevocably scarred when they went to theatres with their parents in 1980, only to see Han frozen in carbonite, Luke's arm cut off, Vader revealed as the good guy's dad, and the Rebels in a losing position. Much different than the ending of A New Hope. Did Lucas fear he had alienated his target market?
If this is true, than it is clear that soft little, furry teddy bear like creatures were a way for Lucas to bring in the child market again. To apologise for upsetting them in 1980, and promising never to cut off a good guy's hand again. By this point, our younger viewers from earlier in the saga would have grown up a little, and may not have been as concerned with light heartedness, but what a great way to bring in new younglings?
So we are given the Ewoks. Little creatures who like to braid Chewbacca's hair, who serve mostly as cannon fodder for the second act of the movie, who apparently can't bend their knees or elbows, and yet have constructed elaborate tree top homes, rife with STAIRS! Wouldn't ramps be more plausible for an entire race who have no knees? How would an Ewok climb even a ladder if they have no joints? And this my friends, is the basis as to why the Ewoks suck. But wait, there is more...
Many people could say the Ewoks were a surprising success and a veritable cash cow. Now Lucas could corner the market on plush dolls, at this time in pop culture, that meant giving a run for the money on the lucrative Cabbage Patch Kid market. Not to mention there were 2, count them 2 standalone Ewok centric movies released in the mid to late 80s. Does anyone else remember the Ewok cartoon at this time? Nyub Nyub.
The Ewoks directly led to the downfall of the series of prequels released in '99 through 2005. The cute and cuddly, silly speaking Ewoks led directly to the creation of the most hated of hated: Jar Jar Binks.
First seen in Episode 1, Jar Jar Binks was meant to add a lightheartedness to what we all knew was going to be dark and foreboding chapter in the Star Wars universe. Simply put, Jar Jar was a douche. Clumsy? Yes. Dense? Sure. Annoying as all hell? Most definitely. Think of all the screen time wasted to "Meesa Sorry Obi" and other ridiculous ramblings. The entire first movie in the prequel series was lost and forever tainted by this character.
After critics had their way with the whole Jar Jar debacle, Lucas gratefully had the foresight to chop his screentime in the second episode to only a few pivotal scenes. Did anyone else cringe and choke on their Root Beer when they saw Jar Jar dressed in flowing ambassadorial robes? Finally, the icing on the cake, the entire reason why Anakin becomes Darth Vader, why the galaxy is caught in a bloody civil war for decades and much, much more, is because Jar Jar Binks gave the Emperor the power he needed to destroy the Jedi and the Senate. What a douche!
So you see, if we hadn't been subjected to the Ewoks in 1984, we would never have been presented with Jar Jar Binks, who would never have ruined the 3 prequels, who would never have granted the Emperor power, and who would have precipitated a return to great story telling that George Lucas began in A New Hope and Empire, but proceed to abandon in Return of the Jedi.
It could perhaps be argued in the context of the movie, that Jar Jar Binks, was himself evil. Maybe he was a minion of the Dark Side and susceptible to the machinations of the Empire. If this is true, than that would infer that the Ewoks too were underlings of the Dark Side, which means they are wicked, immoral and truly do SUCK.
Monday, January 11, 2010
The Tao and Te, Redux
According to Google definitions, a resolution can mean many things. Perhaps the most widely known definition applies to New Year's: "A decision to do something or behave in a certain way". I always hesitate to talk about New Year's resolutions, because I have found that the fastest way to "jinx" a statement like this is to talk about it. I also believe that the Google definition lacks an important addendum; "a drunken promise with one's self which never lasts beyond the month of January."
Too often we fall prey to "the best of intentions" and never follow through with our hopes and dreams. My partner and I watched "Up" yesterday and the speechless sequence which lets us observe the courtship and life sequence of the main character is heartbreaking in that, with the best of intentions built on love, the protagonist and his wife never achieve their life's goal together. We always wait until everything is in the right place at the right time before we begin to follow our dreams. If you wait until everything is perfect, chances are you will never begin. Case in point, this blog.
In 2006 I had the incredible opportunity to work and travel in South America for 100 days. A web designer friend of mine created a website for me that I could use as a travel blog to write and post photos, called "The Tao of John". I updated it religiously while traveling, but ultimately found I had nothing to write about upon my return and the blog quickly dissapeared. I was left with close to 200 pages of written experience which I intended to edit and attempt to publish as a book; "100 Days in South America", but this never came together.
I could give dozens of reasons why this never worked out, but try on a few of these for example:
1. I didn't know how to submit a manuscript to a publisher.
2. I needed to find an agent first.
3. I needed to figure out how to hire an agent first.
4. My writing style changed throughout the "book" and needed huge revisions.
5. I had never published anything before and therefore, likely would need to self publish if I wanted to see my book in print.
6. I needed to learn how to self publish.
You can see this list kept growing and was never ending. All my life I've dreamt of becoming a published writer, and when I was closest to having a product I was proud of that could have become a real book, my mind thought of great ways to rationalize why it wouldn't work. So here we are, nearly 4 years later, no further ahead.
At some point I decided that I needed to revisit a blog experience. If I started posting and writing about my experiences again, then maybe, just maybe I would find the creative person inside me once more.
So consider this the start of something.
Too often we fall prey to "the best of intentions" and never follow through with our hopes and dreams. My partner and I watched "Up" yesterday and the speechless sequence which lets us observe the courtship and life sequence of the main character is heartbreaking in that, with the best of intentions built on love, the protagonist and his wife never achieve their life's goal together. We always wait until everything is in the right place at the right time before we begin to follow our dreams. If you wait until everything is perfect, chances are you will never begin. Case in point, this blog.
In 2006 I had the incredible opportunity to work and travel in South America for 100 days. A web designer friend of mine created a website for me that I could use as a travel blog to write and post photos, called "The Tao of John". I updated it religiously while traveling, but ultimately found I had nothing to write about upon my return and the blog quickly dissapeared. I was left with close to 200 pages of written experience which I intended to edit and attempt to publish as a book; "100 Days in South America", but this never came together.
I could give dozens of reasons why this never worked out, but try on a few of these for example:
1. I didn't know how to submit a manuscript to a publisher.
2. I needed to find an agent first.
3. I needed to figure out how to hire an agent first.
4. My writing style changed throughout the "book" and needed huge revisions.
5. I had never published anything before and therefore, likely would need to self publish if I wanted to see my book in print.
6. I needed to learn how to self publish.
You can see this list kept growing and was never ending. All my life I've dreamt of becoming a published writer, and when I was closest to having a product I was proud of that could have become a real book, my mind thought of great ways to rationalize why it wouldn't work. So here we are, nearly 4 years later, no further ahead.
At some point I decided that I needed to revisit a blog experience. If I started posting and writing about my experiences again, then maybe, just maybe I would find the creative person inside me once more.
So consider this the start of something.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)