Ah to hell with that tired old cliche!
I recently got back from a spring vacation to Las Vegas. Or as I've decided to start calling it "Awesometown". This was my first time visiting Awesometown, and I have to say I really enjoyed it. I had tried to arrange a trip down there for my 30th birthday last summer, and wasn't able to make it work. So I vowed if I couldn't make it FOR my 30th birthday, I would at least make it DURING my 30th year. Mission accomplished.
The weather was absolutely horrible. It was forecasted to be in the high 20s and sunny the whole time I was to be there. Instead it was like, 10 degrees, cloudy and subject to gale force winds of hurricane proportions. Seriously, did anyone else know that the Awesometown strip acted like a giant vortex of towering hotels that would effectivey funnel 100mph winds directly at your face, knocking your 24oz can of "juice" out of the way in order to spray streams of that amber liquid onto the face of the person next to you? Then why didn't you warn me!!!
Apart from localized tornadoes, it was really an awesome time in Awesometown. Obviously I ended up walking approximately 2,336 miles up and down and up and down and up and down the strip. That's a given. It's very bizzarre how different areas of the strip can seem like completely different planets. Moving in concentric circles outwards from the "centre" near the Bellagio, the strip gets progressively more shitty. Sure there are little spots here and there that are islands of awesome, but by the time you get past the Wynn on the North end, or the MGM on the South End, you have then exited Awesometown and officially entered Shitsville. And don't even get me started about the wierdness that exists downtown on Fremont Street. Seriously, ride the monorail all the way to the north end, get off, step outside and see if you don't do a double take. Those nice clean, wide marble-like sidewalks from centre strip have been replaced with cracked and broken, narrow concrete sidewalks complete with graffitti and foot high grass growing out of it. Instead of $30 a plate buffets, you have $4.99 "prime" rib dinner plate specials. Try your hand at $1 blackjack next to the fat guy in a tank top eating hot dogs off a formica table circa a 1974 bowling alley. Ah, the ambience of Shitsville. Definitely spent a few hours up that direction.
Highlights? A comped lunch from the COO of the Bellagio at Olives, overlooking the lake in front of the Bellagio on the only sunny day of the visit. Shooting (poorly) an AK47 at the Gun Store. Doing Irish Car Bombs at a pub in New York New York while listening to dueling pianos on St. Patricks day, then polishing those off with double fisted Guinnesses. Viewing the Strip in Awesometown at night from the top of the Eiffel Tower at the Paris Hotel/Casino. Taking ridiculous pictures of us mimicking the statues poses in front of Caesar's Palace. Drinking "perfect" margaritas at Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville...Oh, by the way, before I continue, if any of these places would like to provide complimentary anything for me the next time I go to Vegas in return for all this free advertising on the Tao and Te of JD, I would be more than obliged to accept.
Lowlights? Losing on Blackjack....frequently. I couldn't remember the whole plus one, minus one thing after all those Irish Car Bombs, and no one told me about "basic Blackjack strategy"! So yeah, epic fail. Penny slots didn't give me no love neither. Walking was also a big lowlight. Even though I read the bus and the monorail a bunch, I preferred to be in the centre of all the action and therefore walked the strip as often as I could. Well, that sucks when after a couple few hours, your hobbled to the point that you'll sit at almost any slot machine or card table just to rest your effin back. Wind...definite lowlight. Not getting the room you requested at the MGM Grand, total lowlight. Having an 11am checkout when you've been awake consistently until 5am for 4 nights in a row, and your flight doesn't leave until 9pm. LOW-LIGHT!
Highs and lows, I really had a lot of fun on my visit to Awesometown. Definitely planning to go back as soon as I pay off the credit card bill I racked up this time around, which if my projections are right, should mean sometime in June 2013. I hope the weather is better then.
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